chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
