So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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