Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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