She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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