once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
