So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
