Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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