There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
True strength comes from lack of pants
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
