So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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