you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Randomize
