The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
