Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
