Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Dick very happy bro
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
