Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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