Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
