I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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