im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
