I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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