I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
