i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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