i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
