I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
How does one acquire holy water?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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