i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I didn't notice because vodka
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
