You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
The air was thick with penises
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
