Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
