Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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