I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
