could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
