My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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