did you get engaged???
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
