I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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