im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
