The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
