dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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