i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
