Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
