No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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