as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
