Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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