Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
