We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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