Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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