I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
