I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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