there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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