4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
My cat gives me a boner
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
