The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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