fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
