Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
