I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
